"hindi ito ang ikabubuhay mo; ito ang ikaliligaya ng kaluluwa mo!"

that's what i said... [if you're being a bit daft today, i meant the quote as this blog's title]

I spent most of the past day in thought. Well, what's new? One of the perks of being me, i do over-think things [the cause of many-an-insane episodes of the imaginary tv series 'niki as we know him'] over and over again -redundant, is that you?

I must say, after like 16 hours or so of work the day before, and getting home at 2:00am; I was dead tired.

But beyond the physical and mental exhaustion I felt, it was the apparent distaste I had with the situation I was witness to that wore down my spirit.

All my life, i have not known a world outside the theatre. A beloved friend of mine, sandro lopa, once said something like, "a part of you dies once the show finally ends." -and there are some shows you do that make you die a little inside because deep inside there's so much at stake.

That's why, when I look at the Theater Down South family and see the many things we have to work our way around, to make do, and sacrifice so that our obligation to the craft is not compromised; i'm grateful ten times over.

But on the other hand, there are those who are doing a disservice to the craft by distancing themselves from the bigger picture of getting a show to curtain rather than giving up a few comforts for the sake of it.

And boy did it happen before my eyes...

Now, most of you know how vicious i can get so this blog won't be any different.

I don't know what school of theatre some people are coming from but if you're more concerned about pay rather than improving on your performance 3 days into first curtain, then you shouldn't be on stage.

When you sit there, whispering and complaining rather than helping find ways to help solve the current problem and be part of a team, then there's no room here for you.

If you're here because you want to be a star -yet obviously you lack some skills- then you had better collapse into a black hole.

And if it's not good enough, why should we risk opening the house to let people in? That would be a waste of their time.

It's one thing to risk it blindly with your whole heart in it and take falling down with the humility it entails. It is another to do something complacently thinking you're good enough and you might get away with it. [clearly some people are just gluttons for self humiliation...hahaha!]

I really don't know how to end this blog...i had said what i wanted to, so i should leave it...and im already sleepy...