I’d like to quote this one; although I can’t recall who said it:
“I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it’s not some place you can look forward to. Because it’s not where you go. It’s how you feel for a moment in your life when you’re part of something. If you find that moment, it lasts forever.”
Kenneth made me realize something today -more like just merely moments ago.
I never thought that at my age, I could be “put in my place” by someone far more younger I. Those of you who know me personally, know how jaded and doubtful I can get about a lot of things. Sometimes my doubts get the better of me. I used to call it being cautious but Kenneth thinks it’s nothing but “damaging” on my part.
Have I become such a slave to my own caution that I worry about what other people will see, hear, think, or speak of? Worry about how it would seem and look like? Worry about failure and end up never having tried at all?
Lately I have been ranting about missed opportunities, some failed attempt at something, and the many might-have-beens; much to Kenneth’s irritation.
Kenneth hates hearing about what happened in the past or what that past did to a person. He believes that once you get up, you leave it all behind you. The absurd thing is, I actually knew that all along [ referring to something Lolo Juan Orendain said about “What is disgraceful is to be left to the dust after you fall” ] and it took someone six years younger than me to ram it full force in my already muddled head.
The swirling mist in my mind cleared up a while ago…
And that phone call, which lasted 22 minutes and 46 seconds, is that moment that would last me forever. [ cheesy, i know...but who friggin cares at this point! hahahaha!!! ]
I came up with this title just because I want to describe what it is that I hate about what SOME gay people do that are oftentimes inconsiderate of the most basic of certain social expectations... And you'd be surprised who have been guilty of these BBBs!
I never knew that I could put this quote into context until a few days ago...
"There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters, who never did, who won't anymore, and who always will. So don't worry about people from your past... There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future."
There are people, no matter how hard you try, who will never realize your worth in their lives... They think of you as a piece of clothing they can wear when it's convenient for them; but for the most part, you occupy the clothes hanger for all the moth ball knows when... This was how I described my friendship with what I now consider a former friend... Oh trust me, this is much worse than that bi-polar suicidal female I had posted not long ago.
I can't seem to find any other way to euphemize this certain individual's description other than these words: CALLOUS, OBLIVIOUS, and EMOTIONALLY CRIPPLED.
[Yes, my pretty boy, I will behave after this post... mwah!!!]
So, the best advice I can give all the doormats out there is to know when they are not worth the time, the loyalty, the effort, and the emotional baggage they leave behind.
Just tell them, "Have a nice life... I don't think there's room in there for me anymore [subtext: GOOD RIDDANCE!!!]"
The Barefoot Baklesa has been a little distracted lately... Well, more like he hasn't been himself ~his cynical and jaded self~ in the midst of all this... and technically lost for words at this point, you see. [I can hear someone going, "That's a first!"]
In your lifetime, you meet people who are like rivers that take you as they flow, and you are suddenly immersed in everything they are... and come out of that brief encounter not quite the same. And when you think it was but for a moment, they would carve a path for their raging waters to flow your way and take you once more; never wanting you to take a step into the muddy banks...
Am I smitten? I could be... [maybe Kenneth can answer this one] Yet I am cautious... [much to Kenneth's impatience] But slowly, these past few days, I have begun to leave all that I must by some riverbank I wish not to return to nor remember; ready to brave the rapids and see where it takes me. [see where Kenneth takes me]
This particular song, As-tu déjà aimé from the film Les Chansons D'Amour best defines what I'm going through right now...
As-tu déjà aimé Pour la beauté du geste? As-tu déjà croqué La pomme à pleine dent? Pour la saveur du fruit Sa douceur et son zeste T'es tu perdu souvent?
"Have you ever loved For the sheer sake of it? Have you ever taken a bite of the apple For the sheer taste of the fruit? Its sweetness and its zest Have you often lost your way?"