14 July, 2009

maybe all that's left... is just to live

I’d like to quote this one; although I can’t recall who said it:

“I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it’s not some place you can look forward to. Because it’s not where you go. It’s how you feel for a moment in your life when you’re part of something. If you find that moment, it lasts forever.”

Kenneth made me realize something today -more like just merely moments ago.

I never thought that at my age, I could be “put in my place” by someone far more younger I. Those of you who know me personally, know how jaded and doubtful I can get about a lot of things. Sometimes my doubts get the better of me. I used to call it being cautious but Kenneth thinks it’s nothing but “damaging” on my part.

Have I become such a slave to my own caution that I worry about what other people will see, hear, think, or speak of? Worry about how it would seem and look like? Worry about failure and end up never having tried at all?

Lately I have been ranting about missed opportunities, some failed attempt at something, and the many might-have-beens; much to Kenneth’s irritation.

Kenneth hates hearing about what happened in the past or what that past did to a person. He believes that once you get up, you leave it all behind you. The absurd thing is, I actually knew that all along [ referring to something Lolo Juan Orendain said about “What is disgraceful is to be left to the dust after you fall” ] and it took someone six years younger than me to ram it full force in my already muddled head.

The swirling mist in my mind cleared up a while ago…

And that phone call, which lasted 22 minutes and 46 seconds, is that moment that would last me forever. [ cheesy, i know...but who friggin cares at this point! hahahaha!!! ]

I have enough now, to live in the moment…

Thus spake the Barefoot Baklesa

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